Gillingham v Oldham Athletic - League One

Priestfield Stadium

Saturday 14^th November, 15:00 k.o.

Apologies for the sporadic nature of the reports this season. 

While it was interesting to read about the adventures of the punters last year, we thought that writing about whether a pub had been redecorated or if the ground had better pies might not be the sort of thrill-a-minute stuff required.

It is right, therefore, that we balance this out by going to Gillingham.  Mark correctly identified that we’d not been there with the flag before, so it needs to get the “full treatment”.  This will make a nice change - actually adding a report to the site, instead of just shifting the guestbook spam.  I’m sure Miley Cyrus hasn’t made the type of videos we are being offered.

My own “flag action” this season has consisted of tying it up in the rain and wind while stood on a wall v Huddersfield and accidentally leaving it in the downstairs toilet when it should have gone to Brighton.  We were in Stockholm for that one, watching a game featuring “JON v ASS” on the TV (a 3-3 draw, Swedish flag fans).

All the message boards are full of doom and gloom at the minute.  I think we need to bring a new air of optimism to proceedings…

Reasons Why Things at Latics Are Not Always As Bad As People Might Have You Think #1

For televised games, it is not possible to abbreviate “Oldham Athletic” to something people might find amusing.

I’ve not visited Gillingham since the days of the Independent Supporter’s Association coach.  On that occasion, someone selected the film “Titanic” for the return trip – we think the ship started sinking as we passed Walsall.  I knew it was going to end like that.  Most seasons, it would be as long a trip as they get.  This year it’s as long as most of the others.

Regular visitors to ernieflag.co.uk will be looking for the section of the report that provides some factual information about our destination.  Indeed, some people have commented that – incredibly -everything they know about Leicester came from reading this site.  Fear not, fact fans, for here it is.

The most famous person from the town is Rik Waller.

Now that might be a bit harsh, but if anyone from Gillingham would like to find some equally as daft from my town, feel free.  There must be loads.

The weather forecasting chaps told us that the “worst storms of the year” would be hitting the country, and that we could expect to either get drenched, blown away or probably a combination of the two.  While preparing the change of kit and the rain jacket, we saw New Zealand beat Bahrain to qualify for the world cup. George Best didn’t play in the world cup finals, but Chris Killen will (quote © someone in the pub).

And so - safe in the knowledge that the sat nav can stay plugged in for the whole duration of the trip - our intrepid heroes set off on the journey south. And lo, the weather was nice.

Anyone who has driven a four hour plus trip will know that at some point you’re going to need a “pit stop”.  Mark made one at Watford Gap.  So did four coach loads of Brucie fans heading for Come Dancing (maybe), all of whom headed for the traps at the same time.

We stopped at the next one instead.   The M25 was doubling as a crash test track (mostly on the other side) with plenty of fifty zones to slow the progress towards the QE2 Bridge over the river.

Following the crossing and a cheeky left down the A2 towards Gillingham and France, trusty old TomTom declared we were in a field.  Five minutes later, a lane change seemed to fix it, cue the celebrations watched by a passing unmarked police vehicle. Nice.  One fuel stop later (with a gale nearly removing the driver’s door)

We parked up near the ground, just over a level crossing from the ground.  We walked away from the ground and found that it was a lovely area. At least it wasn’t raining.  Here’s Mark ringing Terry to see if he’s in this pub.

Not that pub, obviously.  Maybe we were going to meet Terry here instead…

Only joking.  Walking back past the ground found us in “The Livingstone” pub.  A pub with no stools or chairs – not always the sign of a quality establishment.  There was some benches along the walls and it is here that we find the Dorans getting stuck into the Fish and Chips.  Mark and Rachel headed over to the fish shop, while I go to the bar to buy Lagers.  The chip shop has some odd looking tubs in the fridge – Rachel speculated that Gregan had been in already.

Huddersfield were on TV handing Wycombe a pasting.  The assembled Latics fans agreed maybe that even we might score one against them.  A friendly, yet slight leathered local chap called Andy told us of a trip to watch his team in Southend where he had to get a taxi back after missing the train.  £100.  He was easily convinced to take the water out of Terry for you-know-what. Not amused.

While in the pub. It absolutely chucked it down.  People nipping out for a cheeky tab came back in all happy and wet.  Lucky us.  By a fluke, it then stopped again.  Hooray.

After a couple of cold ones, it was time to find the main entrance for the picture.  Here is a terraced church we found.

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At the ground, we passed an impressive looking suite – just the sort of thing we need. It was hosting a wedding fayre and it looked like a big top too.

On uploading that picture I noticed something else that was missed at the time. A van.

Must have been a Yorkshire wedding fair.  Pudsey off Children in Need was hanging around, with a big zip up his back.  It was the worst effort of all time.  The main entrance was located and picture taken, even though it was shut.  This is at half past two on match day with the flag acting like a sail.

Entry to today’s League One spectacular is £23 for the uncovered “Open Golf Championship” style seating, with three quid off if you get someone’s mum to buy tickets in advance.  All of which leads us to:

Reasons Why Things at Latics Are Not Always As Bad As People Might Have You Think #2

Your £20 at Latics includes the complimentary use of a roof. With no extra charge if it rains (probably shouldn’t put these ideas into the board’s heads though).

Wonderfully put together construction though.

Gillingham had a loan player in the ranks.  We know this because the stadium announcer saw fit to declare “number 29, Manchester United star Fabien Brandy”. He followed this up by describing Sean Gregan as “Gillingham’s favourite away player”, why he did this, we do not know.

Reasons Why Things at Latics Are Not Always As Bad As People Might Have You Think #3

Even Franny’s not daft enough to do that kind of rubbish.

There was still a slight breeze – enough to close the port at Dover – and a few spots of rain. The kick off is delayed for five minutes while the fire brigade chase an escaped bin bag up a ladder.  As per standard procedure, the stewards distributed the plastic rain jackets (or – as described by the punters – “it’s just a full body condom”).  There were 100 plus Latics fans.  They had ten of these jackets to hand out, leaving 90% of the punters to tough it out. Mind you, putting the thing on was a test in itself.

Twenty minutes had passed while this was going on, and we hadn’t really been watching the game.  Hey, it’s not supposed to be a match report. Nobody had scored, we did know that much.  They hit the bar.  Brandy’s pace against Mr Gregan and Mr Hazell caused some issues.  We had a couple of shots, but it was essentially a bit dull on the pitch.

The halftime draw jackpot was £550 – “wow” said our announcer friend, as sarcastically as he could.  Then the advertising board at the front blew over.  It took two stewards and Handy Andy with a cordless Black and Decker to deal with it.

And now the second half.  No, we didn’t score here either. The referee left his common sense in the dressing room and blew the whistle.  He blew it again when Brandy – and I’ll look for an unbiased way of putting this – did a GREAT BIG CHEATING DIVE and won a penalty.  Later, Rachel posed the question as to whether Ronaldo was only ever signed by “them” to teach the kids to DIVE and CHEAT.  Someone else scored the penalty.

Not that the Latics faithful hold a grudge.  At a corner, we may have had a word with the played that DIVED.  Someone must have told a joke, because he laughed. The stewards moved in to calm things down (a bit).

The ref attempted to book everyone in navy blue – even when Hazell should have had a red card for dropping someone who was clean through – resulting in him taking some of the heat from Greg Louganis. Oh, just Google it.Second thoughts.....

The home fans described us as “Dirty Northern whatsits” and that we should return to our “northern slums”.  Just a reminder, Gills fans – here’s where you live.

Once back at the car, and with the level crossing assisting our escape, the windswept trio headed for home.  The scaffold stand had withstood the weather, but it became apparent that the big bridge had not. That forced us round the M25 the other way and up the M40. Passed Banbury and the iSoft building.  Did we remember which former chairman of ours is associated with that place? Of course we did.  The stick Brandy got was nothing on the abuse for him.